Cultivating lies


My cousin claims he is sick of lies. He says though they have worked to his advantage on plenty of occasions in the past, he has decided to reduce his usage of them. To explain how he reached about this decision he told me the following:

—My Cousin—

Lies are among the most cheerful growers of all things on earth.  I rarely come across a lie that fails to multiply from its initial single state to a huge family of lies containing all varieties of untruths; big, small and everything in between. Why, just take this instance from last year as an example. At the beginning of last year I began circulating a lie about me having a girlfriend. When my friends got wind of it, they all inquired about “the lucky girl” and so I had to furnish a dozen more lies concerning her name, where we met, her age and stuff like that. After a while my friends got to grow to want to see her. Of course I couldn’t just produce her because she didn’t exist, the only I could do was to make up some excuses (lies). It wasn’t long before I started running out of excuses though because… you know, we live in a small town and you have to stressfully structure your life not to be seen by everyone to actually not be seen by everyone. Further excuses wouldn’t do. So what was I to do when my lies threatened to catch up with me?  Lie more of course. Well actually what I did was to edit the original lie a little and say “we met online” and “she lives in the next town”. I thought that would fetch me a break but boy was I wrong.

Before I knew it, it was Valentine’s Day. A few day before Valentine’s love was in the air – as per usual I guess – and my friends were expecting me to go and visit my girlfriend or for her to come and visit me. Just one problem there, the girl existed not. I tried to find a her girl who was willingly to pretend to be my girlfriend only on Valentine’s Day but all the girls I talked to said it was a stupid idea and turned me down coldly so I ended up just locking myself in the house for a couple of days – Valentine’s Eve and Valentine’s Day – to create the impression that I had travelled. Then I produced myself and told my friends that I had had a “wonderful VD with my girlfriend” My friends innocently asked for pictures, so again I had to use up my creativity in furnishing another lie. At this point I thought to myself that I had cultivated my lie so well that it could easily survive on its own and hence let me have an easier time of it.  But I soon found out different. People never want to just mind their own business as you know and my people – friends and family wouldn’t let the girlfriend issue rest.  Finally I couldn’t take it any more and decided I needed to come up with a lie that would redeem me. The only lie that could reasonably save me was this I judged “my girlfriend and I have broken up” and it saved me sure enough, thank God.

Now, I am not going to tell you to never ever lie because a dude has to lie every once in a while but try your best not to. Do it only when its necessary. I say this not because I want you to be a better person but for your piece of mind.

—The end—

“And that is all he said about the matter, before I put my two cents in and changed the topic” – C.W