Concerning bad habits

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I want to share a thought. Yes, I do think sometimes, I mean I am not the type to sit down and stress his intellectual faculties but once in a while a thought flashes through my head. So it’s like this, I wake up thinking it’s not enough to just want to stop a bad habit; you have to want to create a good one at the same time. If not the void you create by killing an old bad habit will eventually be filled up again with a new bad habit. Imagine a day as a piece of your lifespan that is divided into 24 equal parts that need to be filled with habits. You have a habit of sleeping and eating for instance. Also you have other habits that may be categorized as good or bad.

Now let’s say you use up 4 hours out of the 24 indulging in bad habits. If you decided to get rid of those bad habits you would end up with a 4 hour void craving to be filled up with some habit or rather. If you are extremely lazy you would probably just idle your way through the 4 hours but most people are not that lazy, even I am not that lazy… though I am lazy enough I confess.

Well, I think I will take the last sentence back, most people really are that lazy – at least I know I am – it’s just that an idle mind is the devils workshop and where Dev works bad habits are not far off. Let me just state here that for me I claim full ownership of my bad habits but some of my friends credit Dev and that is why I felt compelled to bring him into the picture. I have it under good authority that Dev is quite an energetic being, he walks into the workshop you create for him and starts raking havoc right away. It does not take him long to utilize all his tools in some deviltry of some size or shape.

Now back to bad habits, I have a lot and I have been fighting some for a while. Today marks an important day in my no bad habit journey – for a particular injurious bad habit – and I have come to make a few important realizations, most important of which is what I mentioned earlier; it’s not enough to just want to stop a bad habit, you have to want to create a good one at the same time. By the way, I am not going to name the bad habit because I am too shy to do so, pardon me on that one. I have tackled this habit a thousand times before and it always wins out in the end but now I am convinced I have got the better of it, though the job is not finished yet. Having other things to do – in place of the bad habit – has been key to avoiding it longer than I have before. Also I got a very interesting quote from the series House of Cards (Season 1: Episode 7) that I always recite to myself when I feel like sliding back. Here it is, rephrased “I cannot control who I am but I can control the zero, damn the zero” To me it just says; no matter what happens I will never go back to being hooked on the bad habit (back to zero) and that is something I can definitely control.

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About promises

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I vowed a long time ago never to promise anyone anything again.  I discovered that it’s better to just do something if you are going to but its poor judgement to make promises beforehand because you never know how things turn out. I have faithfully kept to this vow for the most part but I fall back into my old habits of promising this and that once in a while because like I mentioned before; you never know how things turn out and vows are nothing more than promises. Seriously, a dude cannot do anything better than to go about his business the best way he can and hope that providence favours him along his path. I vowed not to make promises to anyone but myself but recent events have shown me that I should extend that to myself and anything on the planet earth that could be a recipient of a promise. Indeed I am officially dropping the foolishness of making promises to myself and pretending that my fate is 100% in my hands. I still believe our input counts for much on how our life turns but some things we cannot just help.

So there… no promises, in any case whatsoever. Well… let’s not be too strict, if a girl were to ask me to promise her something in order to be with me, I would gladly do it. Yes, I would even throw in some bonus promises. This just came to mind because there are times when girls ask dudes to make one promise or another…hmm like promise “never to cheat on me” and a dude has to do it or she might “leave”. That’s what my friend says; I have never had a girl to promise anything to but if I had one and she required a promise of me, I wouldn’t give her one, I would shower her with millions of them. All sorts of promises. I would even go as far as saying “I would sooner die than cheat on you”

But now to how I got to this subject of promises if the reader is wondering. Well, I am on this subject because my work for this week just got derailed. Looking forward from last week, I saw this week as a very busy week in which I would have to give my whole to my work if I hoped to emerge out of it with any shade of merit. I promised myself to “work my heart out”  “storm through my work” “complete as many tasks that I can” and “spend all my time doing my work” But how did things turn out? Why, I didn’t even get a chance to get started. Immediately I entered this week I acquired myself a sore through, headache and aching bones all in one bargain. I have spent the last 48 hours bedridden half of the time and the other half cursing my luck while I swallow large pills of medicine or sitting in pain watching time go by. I am still sick as I write this so I am a good bet for finishing the week without accomplishing much. I had plans and I made promises but I did not calculate for the sickness.

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My bad boy dream

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Until a couple years ago I was obsessed with becoming a ‘bad boy’. I still have hopes of becoming one in the future but something tells me I am not destined to fulfil that lofty dream. Anyway, I always wanted to be a bad boy back in the days because I noticed when I was kid that the bad boys pulled all the stunts, got all the attention, all the girls and when they ran into misfortune everyone would rush to their rescue, being overwhelmed with sympathy.

And the good boys? Well, they did all the work, got zero attention, not a single girl and when they ran into misfortune no one would intervene, the boys being so good they could take care of themselves. That was the general way of things anyway, there was one exception. I happened to know one boy who was extremely good and got everything, arrogant Mr. Perfect, he would always…but I will let him alone.

So, as I said in the opening remark, I was obsessed with becoming a bad boy, a bad boy for life like Puff Daddy or P Diddy or whatever in the devils name he calls himself at present. To help me on my quest, I would sit up all night watching movies and music videos and noting every single thing the bad guys did, so that I could do that also. I put my notes to good use too. I tried wearing my pants backwards like the rap dual Kriss Kross, but that was a failure. I tried booby trapping  my house like the Home Alone kid, another failure. I tried so many other things, all failures. My cousin says I made the mistake of emulating the good guys but I think the real problem was that everyone mistook me for a good boy from day one. My mother mistook me for a good son, my sister mistook for a good brother, the kids in my neighbourhood mistook me for a good friend and in school… my teachers went as far as believing me to be a smart kid. As such, all the bad things I did were brushed away as honest mistakes. The reader cannot begin to imagine my disappointment at this large misunderstanding. It was so heart breaking.  With everyone not satisfied with the pain they were inflicting on me by suppressing my bad boy image, they went further and loaded me with responsibilities and duties, calculated at it keeping me ever so good.

The ultimate result could not be more than my not at all appealing swagger, overly serious attitude and emotional instability. If I had been let alone to be a bad boy like I always wanted, how would things be now? I would have a girlfriend no doubt and I would be envied and respected by everyone. Looking back now, I feel so hard done by and I will never forg… but these thoughts might trigger my depression, I’m going to bed.

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