About promises

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I vowed a long time ago never to promise anyone anything again.  I discovered that it’s better to just do something if you are going to but its poor judgement to make promises beforehand because you never know how things turn out. I have faithfully kept to this vow for the most part but I fall back into my old habits of promising this and that once in a while because like I mentioned before; you never know how things turn out and vows are nothing more than promises. Seriously, a dude cannot do anything better than to go about his business the best way he can and hope that providence favours him along his path. I vowed not to make promises to anyone but myself but recent events have shown me that I should extend that to myself and anything on the planet earth that could be a recipient of a promise. Indeed I am officially dropping the foolishness of making promises to myself and pretending that my fate is 100% in my hands. I still believe our input counts for much on how our life turns but some things we cannot just help.

So there… no promises, in any case whatsoever. Well… let’s not be too strict, if a girl were to ask me to promise her something in order to be with me, I would gladly do it. Yes, I would even throw in some bonus promises. This just came to mind because there are times when girls ask dudes to make one promise or another…hmm like promise “never to cheat on me” and a dude has to do it or she might “leave”. That’s what my friend says; I have never had a girl to promise anything to but if I had one and she required a promise of me, I wouldn’t give her one, I would shower her with millions of them. All sorts of promises. I would even go as far as saying “I would sooner die than cheat on you”

But now to how I got to this subject of promises if the reader is wondering. Well, I am on this subject because my work for this week just got derailed. Looking forward from last week, I saw this week as a very busy week in which I would have to give my whole to my work if I hoped to emerge out of it with any shade of merit. I promised myself to “work my heart out”  “storm through my work” “complete as many tasks that I can” and “spend all my time doing my work” But how did things turn out? Why, I didn’t even get a chance to get started. Immediately I entered this week I acquired myself a sore through, headache and aching bones all in one bargain. I have spent the last 48 hours bedridden half of the time and the other half cursing my luck while I swallow large pills of medicine or sitting in pain watching time go by. I am still sick as I write this so I am a good bet for finishing the week without accomplishing much. I had plans and I made promises but I did not calculate for the sickness.

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Sweating it

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The day that I decided to start my blog I did not think I would seriously stick with it as long as I have. The truth is I stumbled upon the idea of starting a blog by some lucky mistake, or an unlucky one for those who would breathe easier if I didn’t pollute the world with my words. So, yeah, I just stumbled upon it and I had considerable doubts about my writing skills but I judged that every profession has to have a black sheep as they say – a dude who would rise to the loftiest altitude of incompetence and unprofessional-ism. I thought to myself, if the blogging world was missing such a personality, I would take up that gigantic responsibility and furnish it that needed spectacle.

Now, with my gig firmly I assured, the idea was to update my blog daily – posting all my personal recollections and other things from my brain or the part where the brain would be if I had one, which is one and the same thing I think. My first post was “Say no to animal cruelty”, a piece the I really enjoyed writing. I don’t know what the readers thought of it, they never comment, but I thought it was very informative though when I showed it to one of my friends he said it was “loaded with falsehoods” and was “kind of funny”. Kind of funny? There is an expression for you. Who on earth has the time to find things only part way funny? Why not just laugh or frown and save some precious time. I consider that something is either funny or it’s not and as a matter of fact I have invented a simple way to determine whether something is funny or not, I call it NITAL (Notice if they are laughing). Before I explain this neat invention of mine I would like the reader to know that I claim full credit for inventing it and I expect to be honoured. Also, I am pleading with all you industrious duplicators not to produce a knockoff invention. Well my invention works simply as follows; when you say or do something that you think is funny, notice how your audience reacts to put judgement upon the matter. If what you said or did made people laugh, it’s funny. If not, it’s dull and possibly annoying.

Anyway I have wondered off the course of my tale and I will get back to it now. As the keen reader might have noticed, this post is titled sweating it. What Am I sweating exactly? Just one thing. I am sweating the fact that if more people read my blog and like my posts, I might fool myself into believing that my pen is getting more comfortable and gaining reasonable strength. If that happens I will naturally start worrying and stressing myself to come up with ever enlightening posts. Posts with humour, wit, wisdom and all sorts of things you find in posts by people with real writing talent. I am therefore writing this as a reminder to myself not to believe the hype – which is not there and most likely will never be… but just in case anyway. A dude can never be too careful.

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My first memory of my mum

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I have known my mum for a long time, almost since my first day on earth. Now, people with good memory probably remember knowing their mum since the very first day but for me it took a while to catch on. My first memory of my mum is when I was 2 years old maybe. I remember I woke up one morning feeling hungry and I was like “let me wake up that woman that feeds me”. I used to sleep in my mum’s bedroom but on a separate bed. So anyway I was hungry and I wanted to wake her up. Before I could do it I thought it would make sense to come up with a name to call her because I might have a better chance of waking her up if I was calling her something while I shook her this way and that. After studying it over for a while I decide to call her ma-mi – I have always been about keeping things simple. So then I walked to her bed and shook her as hardly as I could and shouted ma-mi, ma-mi a dozen times over until she woke up.

As she woke up – yawning and wiping her eyes – I could see tea, bread, eggs and all the things I was accustomed to having at breakfast coming my way. Wait… I am not sure if that is what I saw, I think I might have started having that type of breakfast a few years later. I saw food at any rate, a great deal of it. I always loved seeing my mum, you know; it always assured me of eating. Now I love contacting her because it always ensures that I get money or help in another form when I am in a tough fix. I admire my mum, she has always loved me, notwithstanding the fact that my behaviour makes me very hard to love. Not only that but she raised me well; clothed me, fed me, cared for me in good and poor health and even sent me to school – a thing that I did not agree with. See, I couldn’t stand education when I was young, I can now, as long as it’s someone else getting educated. So, aside from the fact that she persisted on the matter of me going to school and enhancing my knowledge, her child raising record is mostly flawless. I honestly think if she was not responsible for me having over 15 years of schooling in one form or another I would love her more but still I love her plenty, even more than I love myself and that is saying a lot by the way, because no man, woman or any other living thing as ever had more self love than I do.

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Overcoming temptation

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Never try to peep down a slippery slope. Well, let me not say that but rather never peep down a slippery slope if you don’t want to fall into temptation. There are times when you are trying to avoid something, let say something bad and then life offers you a disguised opportunity for you to do it. Disguised opportunities maybe in many forms but at present I am specifically concerned with one. The disguised opportunity of my concern is one that lets you believe that you are only going to be a witness rather than participant. Let’s say you are trying not to cheat on your girlfriend and your friend invites you to a party, a party with a lot of beautiful girls. Now, on the face of it an invitation to a party is not an invitation to cheat – even a party with a lot of beautiful girls shouldn’t call for that, hmm… I am guessing it shouldn’t, girls would agree I am sure or maybe not, I don’t even know much about girls. Wait, where was I? Yes… an invitation to a party with a lot of beautiful girls seems like a harmless thing when it’s still just an invitation but things become quite different when you get there – that party that is.

When you are at the party having a good time; loud music playing, sexy girls dancing and you in one corner abusing some substance or rather, you get to feel more adventurous than permissible. From just talking to girls, its becomes dancing, from dancing it becomes touching, from touching… hmm let’s just say it goes deeper, I have never been to a party or interacted with beautiful girls so I don’t really know. I should have used an example of a situation I have been in but I felt too embarrassed to do that and instead decided to furnish this crime of an example. The point is if you are really trying to avoid something, let’s call it a temptation; don’t entertain even the slightest thing that might lead you to fall, innocent invitations are your worst enemy if you have vowed to avoid temptation. The big things are too obvious to trap you.

I will now use another example of a situation I have never been in. Assume a really hot colleague of yours hits on you during a time that you seriously don’t want to cheat. Wouldn’t it be obvious that it is a temptation? And wouldn’t you naturally make your point clear to that colleague right away and set some boundaries, to avoid the fall? Of course you would. No normal human being made in the likeness of God would fall into temptation as easily as that, even a frog wouldn’t, it would just jump away. If instead that colleague invited you to his or her house at a not so ungodly hour, you might not suspect anything – not until you are both carrying on with unholy cries of pleasure and causing discomfort to a bed which had hopes of only being slept on that day.

Hmm… I really have no idea what the heck I am talking about so I think I will stop here. The truth is I just avoid a temptation I did not see coming and I thought I should write something about it – CW.

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A fight for souls

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My preacher friend keeps calling me, calling me and telling me about the fight for souls that is taking place in the spiritual world. He claims that our father in the heavens (a.k.a God) and the father of demons (a.k.a the Devil, a.k.a Satan, a.k.a any bad name you can thing of) are at each other’s necks day and night, trying to claim as many souls as possible. I told him – my preacher friend – that I don’t believe this kind of talk and asked him for proof; he said God personally told him all these things through Skype, or Facebook or Myspace, hmm… I really can’t remember now. It can’t be Myspace though, no one goes there I reckon. It should be Facebook, and in fact it is because I can remember he said God just “popped” him. Anyway not to go into too much detail, my friend says our souls (our, as in human beings) will go to heaven or the other side after we die and that their destination will affect greatly how much we enjoy the afterlife.

According to my friend, how I behave is vital to who wins the fight (God vs the Devil) as far as my soul is concerned. He encourages me to repent and give my life to the “all mighty”. I told him its fine, my behaviour is not generally bad (for a human being) and besides I don’t have any plans for my soul after I die, matter of fact I am putting it up for sell.Yes, anyone who would like to claim ownership of my soul when I die should send me an email (thedudewhoissellinghissoul@notkidding.com). But be warned, the price for my soul is not negotiable. Know that it is not leaving my hands for anything less than 1 a million dollars. Now, I am not sure what the general price for a soul is on the market at moment but I think my soul is good enough to fetch that price. My soul is very ripped and muscular, with sexy abs, broad shoulders and huge arms. It stands 6 feet tall and has a genuinely handsome smile (for a soul). And it also… well let it be, just get in touch if you are interested.

Note: If unlike me you would like to fetch warm quarters for your soul after you die, please start reading holy books, attending spiritual sermons and doing other agreeable stuff. Good luck and heavens bless you.

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My first kiss

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I grew up on romantic movies. With the exception of myself, the house I grew up in was filled entirely with girls and you know how they get with that stuff (romantic stuff). Try as I may, I could never get myself a reasonable amount of time on my video game or my favourite movies because the girls would always want to use the TV – we only had one – and you can’t say no to girls right? Actually you can and I would always do so, but when you are in the minority – one against half a dozen – your voice counts for nothing. With my case being as it was, I ended up surviving on the entertainment that my wonderful sister and beautiful cousins were into.

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The thing about the stuff they were into is that it always had to do with love and romance, in one way or another. They would watch; Beauty and the Beast, While you were sleeping, Prelude to a kiss, Bed of Roses, City of angels and many other movies of the like. The first time I ever saw two people kissing was while I was watching one of these movies and it was absolutely magical. The scene had everything; it was a night with a full moon and a lot of stars, music was playing in background, time seemed to be moving slowly and when the two love birds in the scene closed their eyes and leaned forward to kiss, just about the most beautiful fireworks I have ever seen graced the sky to accompany the kissing. The kissing continued, at one point with the girl’s right leg in the air. I was in awe of what I was seeing and to me it was the most amazing thing on the planet and I immediately wanted to experience it for myself, even though I was only 4 or 5 years old at the time.

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After that spectacular introduction to kissing, I would sit in on all the romantic movies the girls watched and my desire to have an experience similar to what I saw in the movies increased with every kissing scene that I saw. Along the way I developed the idea that a kiss was the most beautiful, most powerful thing on earth. That it could move mountains, change the weather, evoke music or even alter the movement of time. To me, every time you kissed, regardless of the time or day, place or circumstances, the beauty of the world around you would manifest itself to make the kiss as enjoyable as possible. Like maybe a half moon would turn full and the stars would accumulate even if none were to be seen before that moment. It was simply magical and I couldn’t wait to experience it. I ended up waiting more than 10 years though.

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I had to go through plenty of toil before I could finally get to experience my first kiss but I will touch on that in another post. At present I will skip along and get straight to the kiss itself, a kiss that did not live up to the expectations that I had build up from the movies.

My special moment…

With my hands firmly around her, I went for the kiss head upright, our noses bumped. I backed out a little then tried again with my head tilted and this time I got her lips. Well, I didn’t actually get her lips, but rather I got the atmosphere – most likely nitrogen – and her lips on my cheek. I repositioned and went for it again; the third time was the charm! Now that I had got her lips, I begun to swivel my head back and forth while kissing her softly – like I saw in movies –  but she looked at me weird so I stopped. At this point I remembered that I needed to close my eyes, the eye contact thing was making me shy and uncomfortable. We continued kissing for a while, this time with our eyes closed and during the all experience I kept waiting for her lips to start tasting like something you would write a poem about, like my favourite chocolate or something, but nothing of the kind happened. At one point I tried to lift her off her feet but my arms were weak so I dropped her instantly and she landed awkwardly. She was not impressed by my stunt and just like that the show had reached its conclusion, no encore or anything. She said she was in “no mood” for smooching it up any more, maybe we could “just seat down and talk”.

I had waited years for that moment but after it had come and gone I did not feel like the luckiest dude alive or like I had just experienced the sweetest moment of my life. I felt quite normal, which was disappointing, so I mumbled some few words of endearment to the girl, got my excused – while apologizing for the ‘lifting stunt’ –  and left for home, to “finish my homework” I claimed.

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Uncute business

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I am a disgusted owner of five pairs of 3-D glasses. I say disgusted because I never intended to own more than one pair of 3-D glasses and in fact I would prefer just leasing them every time I go to a cinema to watch a movie in 3-D. 2 months ago we were all doing the ‘leasing thing’ but then cinemas in my town decided to come up with a ridiculous rule – you have to purchase 3-D glasses every time you go to watch a 3D movie – which has resulted me in owning that unnecessary number of 3-D glasses stated earlier.

I bought my first pair of 3-D glasses when I went to watch Iron Man 3. No issues then of course, the money I spent on the ticket and the glasses was well worth it to me. I went home not only impressed by the movie but feeling happy about my newly acquired glasses, planning to use them on my subsequent visits to cinemas. Only a week later I was at a cinema to watch ‘The Great Gatsby’. While lining up to purchase a ticket, I checked myself to see if I had brought my glasses with me, hmm… it turned out that I hadn’t. I was a little pissed off at my forgetfulness because now I would have to buy another pair just for that day. I ended up doing so but it did not occur to me that while my need to buy new glasses was due to my forgetfulness; in  truth  I would have been asked to buy new ones even if I had brought my old pair.

I said the ‘ridiculous rule’ was implemented 2 months ago but I did not find out just then, it took me about 3 weeks to catch on. I am not usually good at keeping up with trends, not even obvious ones, usually I find out things when I am forced to (by circumstances). An example of this; I spent 16 hours of my birthday – this year’s birthday – not knowing there was something special about it and only realized so when my sister sent a text wishing me a happy birthday. I don’t blame myself for that one, I am sure my mind ignored that date because I am not exactly enthusiastic about growing older, not now that I am past 20.

Anyway, I finally found out the game the cinemas were playing when I went to watch ‘Star Trek Into Darkness’. On that day my memory had not failed me and so I had Gatsby with me (Gatsby is the name I gave to my second pair of 3-D glasses, my other glasses are Iron, Star, Penguin, Monster and Despicable). Thinking I did not need to buy glasses that day, I purchased my ticket and immediately walked away to get myself some pop corns, wait… I mean I was about to walk away to get myself some pop corns when a lady at the ticket counter called me back. I asked what the matter was; she said I had not bought my glasses yet. I told her I did not need to and showed her the glasses I had in my hands, but she said I had to buy another pair, it did not matter that I had another one already. For a second I thought she was joking but her face looked serious so I asked her a few questions to be clear on what the deal was. She explained that management had introduced a rule requiring customers to buy 3-D glasses for every 3-D movie watched irrespective of whether they already owned 3-D glasses or not. She also added that the reasons for the new rule were not explained to her but she was directed to enforce it strictly. I was very disappointed to learn this because though the glasses are not that expensive, I hate spending money unnecessarily. I ended up buying the glasses and enjoying the movie but I vowed to go to another cinema if that was the rule at that particular cinema. But Penguin, Monster and Despicable are evidence that it is the new rule everywhere and I don’t like it.

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