A fight for souls

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My preacher friend keeps calling me, calling me and telling me about the fight for souls that is taking place in the spiritual world. He claims that our father in the heavens (a.k.a God) and the father of demons (a.k.a the Devil, a.k.a Satan, a.k.a any bad name you can thing of) are at each other’s necks day and night, trying to claim as many souls as possible. I told him – my preacher friend – that I don’t believe this kind of talk and asked him for proof; he said God personally told him all these things through Skype, or Facebook or Myspace, hmm… I really can’t remember now. It can’t be Myspace though, no one goes there I reckon. It should be Facebook, and in fact it is because I can remember he said God just “popped” him. Anyway not to go into too much detail, my friend says our souls (our, as in human beings) will go to heaven or the other side after we die and that their destination will affect greatly how much we enjoy the afterlife.

According to my friend, how I behave is vital to who wins the fight (God vs the Devil) as far as my soul is concerned. He encourages me to repent and give my life to the “all mighty”. I told him its fine, my behaviour is not generally bad (for a human being) and besides I don’t have any plans for my soul after I die, matter of fact I am putting it up for sell.Yes, anyone who would like to claim ownership of my soul when I die should send me an email (thedudewhoissellinghissoul@notkidding.com). But be warned, the price for my soul is not negotiable. Know that it is not leaving my hands for anything less than 1 a million dollars. Now, I am not sure what the general price for a soul is on the market at moment but I think my soul is good enough to fetch that price. My soul is very ripped and muscular, with sexy abs, broad shoulders and huge arms. It stands 6 feet tall and has a genuinely handsome smile (for a soul). And it also… well let it be, just get in touch if you are interested.

Note: If unlike me you would like to fetch warm quarters for your soul after you die, please start reading holy books, attending spiritual sermons and doing other agreeable stuff. Good luck and heavens bless you.

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