Last Friday (night) I was at a snooker club with my uncle and his best friend. At some point during the night my uncle’s best friend and I had a private conversation as follows:
Uncle’s best friend: Colstar Web, how old might you be?
Colstar Web (reluctantly): Hmm…21
Ubf: I judged so. And let me guess, you don’t smoke or drink beer or have a girlfriend. And I am damn sure you…
Cw (interrupts): Hold your horse’s right there sir, who says I don’t have a girlfriend?
Ubf: Well…, do you?
Cw: I don’t have to answer that, that’s my business
Ubf (laughs, and then speaks as if to himself): Nerds get mighty irritated when asked about girls, indeed they do.
Cw: That may be so or… it may not be so, but what in the devils name is the matter with you. Who gives you the right to make such allegations?
Ubf (laughs): Calm down, calm down. I only touched on those points because you remind of your uncle 25 years ago.
Cw: I do, do I?
Ubf: More than you will ever know. At your age, you uncle did not smoke or drink beer or have a girlfriend just like you.
Cw: Why do you keep saying I don’t have a girlfriend? Seriously…
Ubf: Come, don’t be shy; it’s pretty obvious that you don’t. You are the perfect picture of a dude without a girlfriend, your whole being screams “single forever!”. Anyway, believe it or not your uncle was just like you at your age. Yes, just like you, perhaps a little nerdier than you. That was a couple of years before things dramatically changed, extremely late bloomers… you know.
At the age of 23 he graduated from college and shortly after that he got a job. A few weeks of working encouraged him to take up drinking, he claimed it was necessary to help him loosen up on the weekends and besides he could “afford it”. We were all, hmm…his friends I mean, very pleased to hear this. We had long being trying to get him drinking but with considerable failure.
At 25 he got a girl pregnant, partly thanks to his increased drinking and he quickly married her, hmm… family issues you know. A few years into his marriage he started smoking, claiming it helped him calm his nerves, he was so stressed. As years went by he adopted many more things he was not exactly fond of when he was younger and now he is the care free, beer gulping, smoke puffing dude you know today. Looking at you, I have a feeling your life might turn out to be a copy of his. Good thing is…you have got his experience to learn from, so should be fine.
Just then my uncle joined us at the table with some Carlsberg bottles in his hands. The conversation had to end then but it left me wondering. I wonder how people can tell if you have a girlfriend or not without being told so and without having any prior knowledge about you. Other than that I wonder how my life is going to be when I take up beer drinking and getting girls pregnant as activities for pass time. It will most definitely rock I reckon, but the only problem is…where do I begin?