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As of last week, it had become a trend for people to go to my favorite restaurant during lunch time merely to converse and play with their friends and/or spouses. As I am a nerd without a friend or girlfriend, I found myself adorning the honor of being the only one “left out”. Also, with everyone happily conversing and barely eating or drinking, the place did not resemble a restaurant any more than North Korea resembles a democracy. I decided to intervene.

Now, yesterday afternoon I went to this same restaurant to have my lunch as per usual and found the place buzzing with happy people, but with no one eating or drinking as per “new usual”. Never minding the situation too much, I ordered fried rice and chicken and took an unoccupied seat in the middle of the restaurant. Minutes later my food arrived and when it did, I stood up in front of everyone and said “look here, hmm…everyone, I am charging our good Chef here with the task of bringing food for you all, order what you want, in any quantity you like! When Colstar Web is eating, everyone should eat!”

The Chef looked at me, surprised, and gave a questioning glance that showed me that he was not very pleased by what I am sure he considered  my “poor attempt at being funny”. However, what followed a few seconds later overwhelmed him and erased any of his doubts on the matter. What happened was…wait, it’s getting a little fuzzy here, hmm…oh yah I remember now, a girl seated in one corner of the restaurant shouted “God bless this big headed fellow, a burger for me Chef and throw in some French fries too”. Everyone else joined in with “God bless the big headed dude” and a few lines regarding their respective orders. At the sight of this, the Chef was inspired to get busy and he immediately got to work, serving everyone with the food they had ordered. And so just like that, everyone was busy eating and not caring much for talk.

Later, I decided to add in some “juice” to my lunch and so I ordered fresh orange juice. I looked around to see if anyone else had bothered to order a drink. No one had. I stood up again, this time saying “hmm…everyone, please feel free to order soft drinks, tea, coffee, fresh juice, anything to drink, when Colstar Web is drinking, everyone should drink” This time my speech was followed by very loud cheers, well wishes and comments like “long live the big headed dude” and “ugly face but beautiful heart” One beautiful lady even went as far as saying “I love you Colstar Web…like a brother I mean”. Then she ordered her drink, like everyone else. The Chef gladly obliged, serving everyone drinks according to their orders.

Finally, time had come for me to settle the bill. The Chef brought the bill to me, with a little bit of a worried face that read something like “how stupid I have been, believing this fool is actually capable of buying food and drinks for dozens of people”. See, the Chef had billed me for everyone else’s food and drinks and was worried I might not have enough money to settle the bill, the poor fellow. Such being the case, I stood up to speak and put things in perspective.  I said “our good Chef is now going to serve bills to all of you, gladly collect ladies and gentlemen, don’t feel shy, help your selves if you may, when Colstar Web pays his bill, everyone else should their bills”.

Good God what followed this speech was so…but never mind, I don’t think it matters much.

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